This year has pretty much shown us that it’s 2020 dressed up in disguise and given us the gift of reflecting on our dating lives and the status of today’s dating culture. It’s a hard pill to swallow when you sit and reflect on how messed up and convoluted dating is in 2021. From scrolling through multiple dating apps to setting up socially distanced dates, we understand why you might feel frustrated about the possibility of building and maintaining something new with a potential match. However, we are here to tell you that there is light at the end of the tunnel, and when that time comes, you might find yourself wanting to spend more time with that special someone. Once this happens, please remember to trust the process it takes to build a healthy relationship and stay attuned to any red flags you may experience along the way.
Red flags are no joke and if identified earlier on can be a very useful tool for creating and maintaining a healthy relationship. If you need some help narrowing down what red flags might look like in a relationship, don’t worry we’ve got you covered. Below are five red flags you should look out for when you start dating someone new:
1. Something in your gut feels wrong
Chances are, most of us have experienced a moment in life when we’ve felt like something is off. When your gut is trying to tell you something about your relationship, but you ignore it. If you start noticing sus behavior from your partner, but you choose to give them the benefit of the doubt instead of trusting your intuition this is a problem. Now that girl that sent him a text followed by two snap chats that you saw pop up on his phone is his new flavour of the week, and that dude that she promised was just a friend is giving her back massages and entertaining her pup now. How did this happen you ask. Well ladies and gents you chose to disregard your intuition and did not trust your gut. If you feel like someone is being shady and things aren’t adding up, chances are that is a huge red flag that you probably should not ignore.
2. Lack of respect for your boundaries
Setting healthy boundaries in a new relationship can be essential for your well-being. Things like what are you uncomfortable with and what are you willing to compromise on in a relationship are just a few examples of some of the boundaries you can create for yourself. According to psychologist Lisa Aronson, if you find yourself faced with a partner that doesn’t honor the boundaries you have set or attempts to cross them, this is a big red flag. We’re not saying this should be a deal-breaker, but it is definitely worth addressing with your partner via something we call co-mmu-ni-cation. If your partner does not respond positively to communicating about said boundaries and ghosts you or gets upset instead, then sweetheart, it’s time to head for the hills. These actions clearly showcase that your partner doesn’t respect you or your boundaries enough to honour them.
3. They don’t prioritize you
Making plans and prioritizing your partner is essential, especially when you know you are ready to commit your time and energy towards building a relationship with them. If you find that your partner doesn’t care about making concrete plans with you or gives you vague answers like “that should work or that should be fine” when you try to solidify plans with them can be an indication that they are likely keeping their options open or are no longer viewing you as a priority. If your partner shows up late or spends more time with their friends this is a huge red flag. Do not overlook this behavior and note if it happens repeatedly. Relationships should be an ebb and flow, and we know that sometimes life gets busy but the bottom line is you make time for the people you care about.
4. Their actions don’t align with their words
You know that saying actions speak louder than words- this applies to relationships too. Your partner may not tell you how they feel, but they will often show you through their lack of action. Sure, we want to believe that they have good intentions, but the proof is in the pudding, my friends.
Keep your eyes peeled for people that talk a good game, but their actions don’t live up to their words. They know what to say to make sure you feel content and keep you hooked in what psychotherapist’s call a ‘situationship.’ You know that pseudo relationship that never received the title of a real relationship but was also more than just a friend with benefits type of situation (yah we’re trying to forget about that one too.) People’s true colors will inevitably reveal themselves, and when this happens, promises are often broken, and apologies are thrown at you for every excuse given. Remember, dating shouldn’t be complicated, so if your partner is making excuses early on in the relationship, maybe it’s time to consider walking away and be thankful you noticed this red flag babe.
If your partner twists the truth to make you rethink and second guess yourself, then you have a gaslighter on your hands. These people cause emotional abuse and often say things like you’re too sensitive or suggest you’re overreacting. This type of abuse can go undetected and ultimately end with you being manipulated and doubting yourself. This manipulative technique can lead to you apologizing and feeding into their lies. You need to gain control of the situation babes, grab the reigns and let that person go.
Have you ever experienced any of these red flags in a relationship?