Do you find that your partner is constantly keeping you at arm’s length? He or she invests a sliver of his or her time and energy to make you think that you are in a healthy and stable relationship, but the reality is your partner often makes you feel like you’re walking on eggshells and leaves you unsure of where your relationship stands.
The dreaded, “We need to talk,” statement sends your partner bolting for the door, and boundaries….what are those? Boundaries create drama and could cause your partner to barricade their emotions without giving you an entrance key.
Bottom line is if you shook your head in agreement and recall being involved with someone who is always setting the tone for the relationship, emotionally withdraws when you get too close, and shuts you out when you open up to them then chances are you are dating someone who’s emotionally unavailable.
We’ve all been there before, riding what seems like the never ending emotionally rollercoaster trying to navigate the terms of a committed relationship. The struggle can be real getting to the finish line but if you manage to cross it don’t consider yourself one of the lucky ones because ladies and gents the mind fucks of trickery-ish ways do not end.
Let’s just say you’ve had the talk about being on the same page but the fragility of the relationship is still present afterwards. You start feeling confused, angry, lonely, and even worse rejected. You even start convincing yourself that your partners closed-off nature is “normal,” and start readjusting your behavior to match the tone of your partners. Over-time the relationship becomes one-sided and perhaps you feel like your emotionally unavailable lover isn’t willing to make an effort at all. This may cause you to want more clarity and start pushing for answers which in turn they run away from.
But remember, their shit isn’t your shit and if your partner is emotionally unavailable it isn’t your fault. Most emotionally unavailable people have a hard time receiving love and display an avoidant behavior. Research reveals that adults with avoidant attachment behavioral styles, “have a hard time being open with others. They often reject emotional overtures from loved ones or potential partners.” Likely this behavior stems from childhood trauma’s or past relationships they’ve been burned in. These reasons for exhibiting emotionally unavailable behavior requires deep healing that they should do on their own or with a qualified therapist. If you want to take on this job be prepared for a hot and cold relationship.
So how do you confirm if your partner is emotionally unavailable and how do you decipher if they’re just not that into you and if it’s time to move on.
Keep scrolling to uncover the signs and behaviors of someone who is emotionally unavailable:
- They don’t open up to you
- They pull away from connection
- They put physical distant between you and aren’t easy to reach
- They are slow to commit to you
- They are not good at showing affection or receiving yours
- They emotionally deflect with sarcasm
- They never make an effort
- They make you do the work
- They have a history of failed relationships
- They can give off a “too cool for school” vibe
So what do you do if you’re dating someone who’s emotionally unavailable?
It’s time to evaluate the reason why you’re in this relationship. Are you afraid of being alone? Are you withholding love from yourself? Do you feel like you don’t need someone to show up for you? These are all questions you should ask yourself.
After you’re brutally honest with yourself and answer the above questions, next it’s important to acknowledge that you cannot take responsibility for your partner’s emotional well-being. Either give your partner space to step-up or remove yourself from the relationship.